The Geek and Mr. Kouvel

It didn’t seem fair that I left an unexplained reference hanging in the wind in my last post, so I figured I should probably tell you about Mr. Kouvel. And this story is kind of funny, so it’ll make up for that last post a little. πŸ™‚

At twelve years of age I was about the geekiest, gawkiest girl you ever saw. I was super skinny with frizzy hair and crazy-crooked teeth that stuck out too far and glasses too big for my face. I was the definition of “the awkward phase”. I was also smart and, while not shy, I was easily pushed around.

I was in seventh grade and had four different teachers (not counting the “specials” like Art and PE and Shop). I loved three of them. The fourth, Mr. Kouvel [COO vell], was a real bastard. He was my science teacher, and there wasn’t a kid in the lot of us who wasn’t terrified of him. He enjoyed tormenting his students. He threw heavy textbooks at us and such. I guess it made him feel like a man.

There was one kid in my class who was a real smart ass: Jimmy Pedeson. One day we were in class, and for some reason Jimmy decided to give me shit. I was taking guff from Kouvel when Jimmy, with an evil fucking grin on his mug, said, “Call her Jenny! She hates it when you call her Jenny.” This was true at that time, but it’s a story for another day.

A smile spread across Kouvel’s face, and I knew: I was going to be his target for the foreseeable future.

Hey, Jimmy! Wherever you are: Fuck You! Ya little prick.

Mr. Kouvel started tormenting me daily.

“Who knows the answer to this one? Let’s see… how about Jeeeen-neee?”

That kind of shit, right? I told my mother about it and her advice sucked balls:

“Just ignore him. Once he sees it doesn’t bother you, he’ll stop.”

Yeah, NO. This is shitty advice and if you are a parent giving this advice, you should stop. I did try a variation of it:

“Who knows the answer to this one? Let’s see… how about Jeeeen-neee?”

*

“Oh, Jeeen-eee! Can’t you hear me Jenny?”

“I can hear you fine. I’ll answer you when you call me Jennifer.”

This delighted Kouvel and fascinated my classmates. It was like watching a soap opera unfold in the middle of the classroom. I tried any number of tactics to get him to stop, but nothing worked. Then I came up with The Plan.

A_Cunning_Plan

Science was my first class of the day, right after Homeroom. On this particular day, I purposefully left my glasses inside my Homeroom desk and went to class. I dropped my books and, feigning surprise, raised my hand and asked to get my glasses from homeroom.

“Sure. Take the pass.”

The pass was a short piece of wood that we carried in the hallways when we had to leave class to go the restroom or whatnot. It hung on a hook above the blackboard at the front of the class. I took the pass, asked permission from my English teacher to retrieve the glasses, and slipped back out into the silent and empty hallway. I stood outside the door to science class, scared out of my mind for what was about to happen.

I opened the door, walked inside, and proceeded to hang the pass back on its hook. That’s when it happened.

“Did you get your glasses, Jen-nee?”

“Why, yes I did, Petey.”

There was a moment when every kid sitting at his or her desk stopped breathing. Then they all let it out at once with an, “Oooooooo.”

For his part, Kouvel was standing stiff as a board while his neck and jowls quaked and his face turned a deep red that bordered on purple.

“YOU DON’T CALL ME THAT! YOU CALL ME MR. KOUVEL!”

“Well, then I guess you can start calling me Jennifer.”

And with that, I calmly took my seat.

He never called me Jenny ever again, and I daresay he was far less jovial in his torments from that day forward.

~Fin

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “The Geek and Mr. Kouvel

  1. I just know that there are people in this world that must be spending their lives knowing that one day something really really unbelievably bad is going to befall them. They just don’t when and they don’t know from where.
    Bloody right too. (Please let me know if I ever piss you off πŸ™‚ )
    Hugs Rachael xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • HA! I was very reasonable with him. He just refused to be reasonable in return. It’s a shame that it took a skinny 12 year old girl to teach him some manners. πŸ™‚

      Years later I heard he was arrested for assaulting a high school student in a hallway. I guess the lesson didn’t stick.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Funny because he never taught high school so maybe you should get your facts straight before posting lies online! He was one of the most inspirational teaches I ever had and helped me get where I’m at today! Carry on….

        Like

        • Kouvel was “inspirational”? Perhaps you’re thinking of a different person. The guy I knew used to throw heavy objects at his students and go out of his way to mock and humiliate as many as possible. It seems highly unlikely that something caused him to completely change his personality. ::shrug::

          Like

  2. Fucker! What a bully! Seriously can’t stand that kind of arrogance! (That’s the “me” part)

    Wow! Sounds like that man had some serious insecurities. He was a bully and acting out for the benefit of raising himself up above somehow. Sounds sadistic. I wonder if he was himself abused or bullied. (That’s the “therapist” part)

    I prefer the “me” part. And both me and the therapist agree that people get respect when you give it. Well done. I think you handled that brilliantly!!!

    Like

  3. We had a teacher in primary school who was just like Mr Kouvel. He’d always call me “Single Dingle” which would make everyone laugh. Except me. I just grinned like an idiot in a vain attempt to hide my humiliation. I have lost sleep over that man, so reading your story fills me with a kind of vicarious satisfaction. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are far too many teachers in the world who hate their students. Every time I think of ol’ Petey I hear Pink Floyd.

      “We don’t need no education…”

      This is also why I say that sometimes the kids have a fucking point.

      I’m glad this story gave you that satisfaction. That makes me happy. To your primary school teacher I say, “Blow it out your arse, you great slimy toad!”

      Of course, I had some amazing and gifted teachers of whom I still think fondly, but this isn’t about them.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. BWAHAHAHAHA! I don’t think I’ve laughed like this in a long time. I love it when people get a taste of their own medicine. It’s the proverbial rendition of treating people the way you want to be treated! Classic…I’m in awe!

    Like

Lay it on me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s