A month and a half after “diagnosis”

I’ve been trying to write this all morning, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. It’s about doctors and diagnosis and treatment and meds and I don’t know what else.

People in the know tell me it can take another year before I have a firm diagnosis and treatment plan in place. After waiting nearly three decades you’d think another year would be nothing. But it’s not nothing.

I feel exhausted. I feel numb and sick, and it’s turning into one of those days when I start wondering, “What’s the fucking point?” But I’ll get over it and get on with it. I’ll trudge forward just like I always do.

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19 thoughts on “A month and a half after “diagnosis”

  1. I don’t know that we ever really get over things like this, but we do learn to keep fighting for ourselves, our health, and our sanity. We learn what’s really a “priority” and what isn’t important at all. We learn who truly has our back, and who’s only interested in stabbing us in it. Most importantly, we learn who we really are.

    Women are like coffee, you only know how strong they are when you put them in hot water.

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  2. hey lady! i’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. i barely bother going to specialist because they all say the same thing, work out, eat right, blah blah blah. none of these doctors have ever had to deal with it themselves. eventually you will find what works for you but there is no cure as of yet. it sucks. one foot in front of the other girl. you have survived so much already, you can do this! despite the time difference, I will be there for you. You are a strong and beautiful woman!

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    • I know you’re right: there is no cure. I don’t know why diagnosis is so important to me. I guess I’m just tired of not even having so much as a name to attach my symptoms to.

      Thanks for being here for me. It means a lot.

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  3. Agh sounds awful “I feel exhausted. I feel numb and sick, and it’s turning into one of those days when I start wondering, “What’s the fucking point?”” Something I get completely! Sending hugs and love, hope you find a route out soon. (Bake a yummy cake)

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    • Thanks, sweetie. I’m feeling better today. Gave myself a bit of a kick in the ass (which is quite a feat, really). Spent some time with creative pursuits, and it really did help.

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Lay it on me.

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